I Am Truly Blessed!

It's the Final Countdown!! 1 week!

2011-08-11T17:54:00.000-05:00

1 week from today I will have my sweet baby girl in my arms! I am sooo ready. I've been emotional lately because I am just so uncomfortable. My last day of work is tomorrow and today I just kept saying that I don't want to have to go in tomorrow. I still don't, but I'll feel more accomplished that I made it so far!

I went in for my last appointment today and everything is looking good for my c-section next week. Show up at 8 am!

Finally took some pictures of the nursery...

17 Days.....and Counting!

2011-08-02T12:52:00.000-05:00

I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.....I think! I cannot believe my baby girl will be here in 17 days....17 DAYS!!! Am I ready?? Well, ready as I'm going to be. I am ready to see her and for this pain to go away and somewhat get back in shape. Am I ready for 2 kids, trying to breastfeed, and sleepless nights?? I guess I'm going to have to be! I know once she is here, I will be asking myself what life was like without her. I know things will fall into place, just like they did after Noah was born. These last few weeks, I have found myself falling more in love with my son. Sure, I still get frustrated with him when he doesn't listen...but other times I look at him and I love the bond that we have. He has been on a superhero kick lately, but there are times when he says 'I'm not superman right now, I'm your baby' and it just melts my heart. I wish I could take these last 2 weeks off work and spend time with just him. I think I'm going to miss my time with just him, but I know that just like Stephen and I will have to have date nights, I will have to have dates with my little man also. I never want him to feel like we replaced him or that he isn't loved...because boy is he loved!!

I have been in alot of discomfort lately...just ready I guess. My pelvis hurts so bad, it hurts to do anything. I DEFINATELY have a waddle going on, but I've been told thats been going on for a while. I know that August 18 will be here before I know it, but when I am so uncomfortable it still seems so far away. I can do this....I think I can, I think I can. It's worth it. I will soon have my baby girl in my arms. The baby girl that I prayed so long for. I truly believe that God gave me Noah first BECAUSE I wanted a girl so bad. And I am so glad he did. I wouldn't change it for the world. I am blessed <3

Almost 35 Weeks....and Torn

2011-07-19T15:32:00.000-05:00

Almost 35 weeks!! Thursday will be 35 weeks, 4 weeks until I will be holding my baby girl! Other than the stress of not everything being done and ready I'm been thinking alot about my work situation. A couple weeks ago we basically decided that I would go back to weekends to save money on childcare, which is why I went to weekends to begin with. But after thinking about it more and more....I don't want to go back to weekends. I just got off of them and then found out I was pregnant. But I was relieved when we started having our family time back. It was so nice to be able to go back to church again and just being able to do things as a family again. Now, I'm about to have another baby and not sure how we will afford the childcare. I'm also torn because if I stay with the hours I have now, and pay the childcare, I won't have the time with Layla that I had with Noah. So do I stay working during the week and have family time on the weekends, or do I sacrifice our family time and go back to weekends and not have to pay childcare? I'm so torn....I really wish there was a way I didn't have to work....

So True

2011-07-08T09:33:00.000-05:00

Saw this on a message board and had to share. There are sometimes people need filters when talking to pregnant women....

"Dear non-pregnant friend

hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women, as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn’t mean me – then you should probably read this twice.

1. The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is ‘Congratulations!’ with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you a jerk.

2. Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father – not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase ‘my baby’.

3. On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth, and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it…

4. The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone’s stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix, or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.

5. Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight…ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is ‘You look fabulous!’.

6. By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don’t need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes. Nor do we need to know how badly you will feel for us because we will be pregnant during the summer and how glad you are that YOU will not be pregnant this coming summer.

7. There is a reason that tickets to Labor & Delivery are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL, or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents. You weren’t invited to be there when the baby was created, you probably won’t be invited to be there when it comes out either.

8. Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital, and the parent’s home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to ‘help out’. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.

9. If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules, and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.

10. The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.

Sincerely,

All the Pregnant Women in the World"

33 Weeks Down.....6 More To Go!!

2011-07-07T20:03:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I only have 6 weeks left!! The nursery isn't done yet, still need a few things and I PROMISE to post pictures when it's done. I need something else for the walls, just not sure what....it's driving me crazy!

I've gained well over the 15 pounds that the Dr wanted me to gain. Oh well, I'm not worried....but I can say that I CAN NOT wait to start working out again! I've been feeling more tired and sore after a day at work and more short of breath. Bending over to tie my shoes gets harder and harder in the morning. I don't and haven't really had any cravings really. I just want the stuff I don't allow myself to have on a regular basis....ahem...chocolate chip cookies at work...cough cough. And pizza always sounds good.

According to my recent 3d/4d ultrasound a couple of weeks ago, Layla looks alot like Noah and will have some hair. I never knew you could tell that from an u/s! I won't believe it until I see it though! I also got some maternity pictures done. Stephen really didn't see the point in doing them, but it was important to me so we did them. I never planned on ordering a ton, they were just for me, but I think they turned out great!

I thought having a little girl would be easy...

2011-06-17T12:21:00.000-05:00

I have always DREAMED of having a baby girl. For one thing, I want the relationship like I have with my mom. But also, so I can dress her up! I mean, isn't that what every mom of a little girl longs for??? When I always tried to shop for Noah I would be drawn to the super cute girlie clothes and dreamed that one day I could buy the dresses and bows. But I'm quickly finding out that it's going to be harder than I thought! I look in Layla's closet now and it's full of clothes....graciously given to me from a friend. I've bought some, but most have been given to me. All of them start at 6 months so I don't even know what I'm going to dress her in for the first 6 months! I can buy some things now, but not for the first 3 months because everything will be out of season. So everything I have bought is like 12 months. It's always been a big deal to me to have shoes on my child. Noah never left the house without shoes. I know alot of moms don't care, but I always have. So now that I'm having a little girl I'm starting to stress. What if she doesn't have a bow or shoes to match?? I know it's petty to worry about shoes and bows....but I do! I always knew having a girl would be expensive, but man....I've got alot to learn!!

30 Weeks and Starting to Feel Stressed....

2011-06-14T12:41:00.000-05:00

I'm 30 weeks this week and I can't believe it! It seems like it has gone by so fast! My little Layla-bug will be here before we know it. I am feeling better than I have felt in several weeks, no more sciatic pain!! I've gained more than my Dr would like me to, but I'm not worried about that anymore. I'm enjoying this pregnancy, because after August 18th, I will be back on track. I'm already looking forward to resuming my workouts. I have missed zumba!!

I'm starting to feel the stress though. I feel like there is so much we still have to do. Layla's room isn't finished yet, but hopefully it won't be too much longer. Her closet is getting full but I still don't feel like she has alot for the first several months. I was given a bunch of clothes, but most of them are 6 months and up....so I'm already worried about what I'm going to dress her in! We don't have alot of the necessities, like a changing pad or sheets. I wasn't sure if I was going to have a shower this time around so I haven't bought much...and now I feel like I'm running out of time.

And I'm also starting to think about how finacially strained we are going to be. Having a newborn in daycare for 3-4 days and Noah in CDO for 4 days, I am actually wondering how we're going to make it. I came back to work during the week to give us family time but was that the right decision? I didn't enjoy working weekends, but it was nice to be off during the week and not have childcare for the first year of Noah's life. I don't regret putting him in CDO, he loves it. But now I am already starting to think about how Layla will be in daycare and I won't get that bonding time with her that I did with Noah. I just wish we were in a position that I didn't have to work, but I know that every mom feels that way.

On a positive note, we are going for our 3-D ultrasound this weekend, and I can't wait to get a look to see what she's going to look like!

28 weeks....Feels Like I Should Be Farther

2011-06-03T14:13:00.000-05:00

I've been REALLY uncomfortable lately. This sciatic pain that I've had for about a month now doesn't seem to be getting any better. Some days are better than others and they seem to start out okay, but throughout the day it just gets worse so when I get home from work I am completely useless. I have a nice little waddle going too....it's just precious. Other people to seem to think it's cute but I don't. I don't like to walk this way, but I really can't help it. I'm in so much pain when I walk that it's a waddle with a limp....real special. And people can't seem to keep their comments to themselves. They really know how to make a pregnant woman feel great about herself. So far today I've gotten:

1. "Your boobs look enormous in that shirt!" (um.....thanks??!!)
2. "You're starting to look miserable" (well if you knew the pain I'm in, you'd be miserable too!)
3. "You're waddling! It's so cute!!" (Yeah, not so much)

And my favorite:

Them "When are you due?" Me "August" Them "Oh, you have to go all throughout the summer?? I think I'd die!" (Gee, thanks....)

I mean really....if yyou can't say something nice, don't say anything at all! If one more person reminds me how miserable I'm going to be this summer being at my biggest in the heat of the summer....I think I might scream. I just wish I had good comebacks, Stephen is always so good at that.

On another note, I have a C-section date of August 18 :) And I got a call this morning from the drs office saying that I passed my glucose tolerance test...yay!!

26 weeks.....

2011-05-18T15:55:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I turn 26 weeks! I can't believe it, it seems like it is flying!! I'm glad in a way so I can meet my precious baby Layla, but am I ready for 2 kids?? Guess I'll find out soon enough! We painted her room last weekend, and picked up her furniture...just waiting on the bedding for it to be a little more complete. I love it already.

We went on a little vacation recently and it was so relaxing! We drove to Destin and stayed at an awesome condo, thanks to my uncle, and got to sit on the beach and do nothing! This was the first vacation that we didn't have anything planned, nothing to do. So this was the first time EVER that I sat on the beach. Noah was scared of the water, so he stayed on the beach and played in the sand while I just sat there. Stephen was in the water the majority of the time and really enjoyed himself. We all did I think. We came back earlier than expected because allergies we getting the best of us and I thought I was getting an ear infection. Plus Noah had a 'music program' at school that I didn't want to miss, and we needed to pick up Layla's furniture. It was a very, very nice vacation.

Today was Noah's last day at school. I know it's just a MDO, but he loves going and has seemed to make some friends! And one of the best things I heard this morning when I dropped him off was how sweet he is :)!! That makes me feel good!!

Nothing else really going on....I'll post pics of the nursery soon!

Well, It's a Girl!!!!

2011-04-16T17:56:00.000-05:00

I cannot believe it, I still think I'm in shock sometimes and that it's not real. After I had a coworker scan me and found out it might be a girl, I had a 'gender check' at the drs office. They said it was 90% a girl, and I was going to wait until the following week for my big u/s. We went this past week and it is indeed a girl! I was hoping it was and I wasn't getting my hopes up. So now that we know for sure, we switched the furniture to white and cancelled the boy bedding and will order girl bedding as soon as we can decide on a name. That has been the hardest thing....the name. I like one name, but Stephen isn't crazy about it. He picked out another name, but he said there hasn't been anything that stands out to him like Noah's name did. And I feel like everytime I ask him about it, he almost gets frustrated that I'm asking! I think he thinks we have plenty of time to decide and thats just not the case!

So Confused!

2011-04-01T20:53:00.002-05:00

I've been having u/s since probably 14 weeks to try to find out what we were having. I know thats early, but I knew Noah was a boy at 14 weeks. Anyway, everytime I got scanned, the baby was not in the best position. He/she has been keeping his/her legs closed, in indian style. The techs would try different things to get him/her to move and each time they wouold see something that looked like a penis so I've been thinking it was a boy. Picked out the name, ordered bedding (monogrammed), ordered furniture and bought a few clothes. I've come to know this baby as baby Seth and I was fine with having 2 boys. I never got firm confirmation, like a picture, of boy parts because he was never in the best position and they would just get a peek. So the other day I got scanned again, to see if we could get a picture and again baby was not is a good position. But the tech said she didn't see boy parts at all. Had another scan after I ate some sugar and he/she was moving alot and eventually opened up. Then tech caught a picture and there it was....3 little lines.....meaning a girl. I was so confused! Happy, but still wondering if it could be true. I mean, can you make yourself see something thats not there? This is a pretty good picture, no penis in sight. So now of course I want another scan and I am being SO IMPATIENT!!! I want to know for sure!! Ugh, it's killing me!!!

16 Weeks and......

2011-03-12T21:58:00.000-06:00

It's Another Boy!!! I have to admit....yes, I wanted a girl. But, God has better plans for my family...and my checkbook. And at first when I started thinking about it and thinking it was another boy several weeks ago a friend reminded me of something. Just because you ask for something, doesn't mean it will be packaged the way you plan. So...after she said that, I began thinking about having another boy and we are thrilled. We picked out the furniture today, decided on bedding, and decided on a name. Well, sort of decided on a name....no middle name yet. But his first name will be Seth ♥ I have loved the name for many years and I think it goes well with Noah. Now...if we can just decide on a middle name.

In other pregnancy news, I've gained about 6 pounds total, which my dr is okay with....thank goodness. I'm not really showing much this time around which suprises me, I thought I'd show sooner. So I haven't started belly pictures yet. Not feeling anything yet, and I just can't wait for that! It is the BEST thing about being pregnant!

A New Revelation

2011-02-19T20:42:00.000-06:00

About a week ago I started getting convinced that I was having another boy. And I will admit, I was getting a little upset and depressed. I started thinking about all the prayers I have prayed about having a baby sister for Noah. Everyone around me is convinced it's a girl, except me. Maybe I'm reading too much into all the gender charts and stuff online. Noah has even been saying 'baby sister' and we haven't corrected him. I just have been trying not to get my hopes up. But it got to a point, where they were alreay up there. Then I had 2 disturbing dreams...I had told my mom at one point that 'I didn't want 2 boys', not the best choice of words and I understand that because what she said stuck with me. She said 'don't say you don't want 2 boys because it this one is a boy, God could very well take it away'. And thats what happened in my dream. I had a dream that I found out I was having a boy, and he was born too soon and died. And I of course felt responsible....I woke up crying.

Then I posted on my mom's facebook page that I was convinced that it was another boy...and had several people post comments. But again, 1 inparticular stuck out. A friend said that she had a bad day with her daughter and was asking God why he gave her such a difficult child...the daughter that she prayed for. That she was not the daughter she expected to have. And that just because I may pray for a daughter that is rainbows and sunshine, she may not be packaged that way. That comment did it...put it on perspective.

I want a daughter for several reasons. I want to be able to buy the cute clothes and bows. And I want to have the relationship with her that I have with my mom. But am I setting myself up for failure? Will I be the one in a couple of years asking God 'Why did you give me a child like this?' I may never know. This could still be a girl, but it may be a boy. Either way...I feel blessed. Yes, it's easier to shop for girls...but I know that my baby boy loves me. And either way, Noah will be a great big brother. And I love this baby so much already....and I feel blessed that I am going to have another child. God has blessed me, and my family.

Feeling a Little Blah Today.....

2011-02-06T17:06:00.000-06:00

Not in such a great mood today and not sure why. I'm doing fine as as far as the pregnancy....everything is going well. I keep forgetting that I'm pregnant. No real symptoms....except I just feel fat. My dr told me to keep my weight gain at 15 pounds. BOO! Not that I want to gain alot of weight, but it's just the fact that she put a limit on me. I don't really have any cravings....except the stuff I don't let myself have. Happy meals, candy, and just other things I dont normally let myself have. After vacation in june I started slacking on my diet and excersize routine. I had to have an unfill with my band because I started having problems after flying. It all went downhill from there.....I couldn't get back in my workout routine and I was able to eat a little more, so I did. I gained back 20 pounds before I got pregnant. So already feeling bigger, I found out I was pregnant. I got a fill after thanksgiving so I could lose the weight I gained back, and started having problems again. So when I found out I was pregnant I had it all taken out. Sometimes I'm thankful, but at the same time I want everything I shouldn't eat. And I can't stop. I should be happy I'm pregnant, and I am, but instead I feel like I'm going to get in trouble everytime I go to the doctor. Ugh.....that's all for now.

My Baby Boy is 3!!!!

2011-01-24T19:32:00.000-06:00

I can't believe that this time 3 years ago I was seeing my baby boy for the 2nd time. I had him at 1:15 in the afternoon and I had to wait until about 6:00 to finally see him. I remember being in recovery for far too long because my room wasn't clean. But it was worth the wait. They brought him in and he smelled so good and he was so heavy! I'm used to handling babies at work, but they are always about 7 pounds. I remember when they put him on my chest in the OR, the nurse said 'He's heavy' and I remember just saying 'okay'. But they layed him on me and I think I gasped for air! I remember thinking, just like every mother, that he was the cutest thing I've ever seen. And he has only gotten cuter. He sure has developed a personality. He's very independent and bossy! Trying to get a handle on it now before he gets out of control. He is so sweet though, when he's not pitching a fit. He LOVES his momma, which I of course love. He loves to sit in my lap, and loves to hold my hand.

We had his party this last saturday and a bounce place here in town. I was not happy. January birthdays are hard to plan. You can never depend on the weather. Turns out this last weekend would have been a perfect day to have something here at the house, but oh well. When I booked the party, I expressed that I wanted a private party. I did not want a bunch of kids I didn't know jumping with my party....which is what happened. They changed the rules and said I couldn't have a private party with the package I booked. If I had known that, I would have NEVER booked it there. Noah was sick anyway, with the flu (just found that out today), so he didn't enjoy himself anyway. But he didn't want to jump of slide because there were too many other kids. There were 7 and 8 year olds trampling over the 3 year olds. The party room itself wasn't bad. The cake was DELICIOUS (yes, I made it :) ), and he got some good gifts. And we ended up getting most of our money back, so I'm happy with that.

Happy birthday sweet boy! I am so thankful that God gave me you as my little tooter man. I hope you continue to grow into the sweet little boy I hope for. I love you more than you will ever know!

Random Update

2010-12-30T13:49:00.000-06:00

I have 3 blogs and only keep up with 1 of them. So my new year's resolution this year is to keep up with this one too! Lots of things going on. I've started a cake 'business'. I've been staying busy and enjoy seeing what I can do with making cakes, but I never see myself getting as good as I'd like. I'll never open a bakery, but I like having cakes to makes every week. It helps me grow as a decorator and lets me see what I can do. I don't proclaim to be a professional, but I have fun....and my cakes taste good!

Noah is growinng up so fast! He will be 3 next month and I just can't believe it. He is so independent, wants to do everything himself. And has quite the attitude at times! But other times he is so sweet and loving. There are still times that he falls asleep in my lap and I just look at him in awe. I made him....well, with the help of Stephen and God of course. He's my sweet boy and I wouldn't trade him for anything, but I could do without the attitude sometimes.

Now on to our other news.....I'M PREGNANT!! I haven't announced it yet, until now. It's still early, but my beta HCG numbers are looking good. I haven't been real sick, just get a little nauseous when I don't eat. And a little tired, but other than that...uneventful! Well, not so uneventful at first. Right after I found out, I was more nauseated and throwing up. I wasn't sure if it was because of pregnancy or because my lap-band was too tight. I had a fill after Thanksgiving and started having trouble after that. But for some reason after I found out I was pregnant, nothing would stay down. I ended up and had to go the emergency room and have the saline taken out. Still don't know why I was having so many problems....but I've been able to eat! After I had the fill taken out, I haven't had anymore symptoms. So I'm feeling good and feeling blessed! Although not looking forward to having an August baby...you can't really plan these things sometimes. I've been complaining about ideas for a winter birthday, guess I won't have that problem with a summer baby. We should really start saving for a pool.....

So thats whats been going on! Again, I'm going to try to keep up with this blog more, especially now that our family is growing!

You guessed it...another random update

2010-07-06T22:07:00.002-05:00

I keep forgetting about this blog!! I forget, and then I just don't make time to update it....Just like I don't make time for alot of things. I don't make time to finish reading New Moon, finish scrapbooking, finish photo albums or CLEAN! It's sad, I really need to catch up on things. If I took a break from the computer once in a while, I'd have more time! So the random happenings:

1. We just got back from a wonderful Alaskan cruise. It was beautiful and cold!

2. My weight has leveled off some, and I've gotten out of my work out routine since before the cruise. Another thing I haven't made time for.

3. We're in the process of trying to potty train Noah. Not a fun time....trying to get it done before we have another baby.

4. I've been baking alot of cakes lately and actually have thought about having an actual 'business', but as much as I enjoy it...it stresses me out too! I find lots of ideas that I want to try, I just don't think I'll ever be very good.

Maybe if I don't feel like I have to have alot to write about everytime I update this thing...maybe I can find time to keep up with it. We'll see...

It's been a while!!

2010-05-11T20:20:00.003-05:00

Wow, I can't believe I haven't updated this thing since october! I figured now is just as good of a time as any to update and hopefully get back into it. Well...tomorrow is the big day. I turn 30!!! Ugh, it seems so old! However, I am happier than I ever thought I could be. I am healthier than I have ever been. Still not at my goal on the scale, but I've reached a huge goal otherwise. My goal was to be about 155 and/or be in a size 10. I haven't weighed myself, but lately I have been wearing size 10's. I still wear some size 12's, but I can fit into 10's! That is HUGE for me, I remember being a size 12 in high school, but I don't ever remember being a 10. I am so much happier at the size I'm at. I look in the mirror and still see imperfections, obviously, everyone does. But I am looking forward to the time after we have another baby that I can have plastic surgery. Sad huh?? Oh well...

One major thing I've been trying to decide on is getting a tattoo. I've thought about it for a long time, and I think it would be a great birthday present. I never thought that I could find something that I liked enough to get, but over the last couple of days I've found a few. I've always said that if I was to get something, it would have to do with a child. So I've been thinking about getting Noah's footprint, name and birthday. But then today, I found pictures of gerber daisies! Now I don't know! I may never go through with it...but I just might! We'll see...

Noah's first MTM!

2009-10-11T01:22:00.002-05:00

I love the idea of Muffin Tin Mondays...serve a meal out of a muffin tin! I think its a really cute idea that I have been wanting to try for a while but didn't think Noah was old enough. He's not old enough to get the themes, but he's old enough to enjoy it. If you want to know more about it, go over to Her Cup Overfloweth. She does a theme weekly, although I don't think we'll do themes for a while. Noah had his first MTM a couple of weeks ago.

Just a Random Update

2009-09-22T11:20:00.003-05:00

I haven't blogged in a while because it seems like nothing new has been going on. Noah started Mother's Day Out 2 weeks ago. He cries everytime I drop him off, but they tell me he only cries for about 5 minutes. I think he has a good time while he's there, but of course he can't tell me anything. I actually should be cleaning or straitning now since he's not here, but I'll get to it. I haven't really taken any pictures of him lately because he won't smile! I'm not going to have hardly any pictures of his 2nd year!

I hardly visit thenest.com anymore, but when I did I kept seeing these posts about Muffin Tin Mondays. I thought it was a really cute idea, especially once Noah starts eating more. He's going through a picky stage right now. He's actually doing alot of things lately that irritate me, but I'll get to that in a minute. Anyway, these Muffin Tin Mondays have a theme each week, although when I start doing them I'm not sure if I'll stick with a theme. The themes do seem like fun, I just don't know if I have the imagination! Anyway, check out the blog..

So Noah has been doing what I'm guessing are typical toddler things. He has started throwing his food off his tray and he's getting to where he won't eat his veggies. The other ones are the most irritating...when we walk him to his room to change his diaper, as soon as we get in the hallway his legs just collaspe and he falls to the floor. And then when I go to pick him up off the floor, he wiggles until I almost drop him. And then yesterday I had to take him to the dr, and we went to Luby's to eat. When we walked back out to the car, he let go of my hand and ran. God must have been watching over him, because he would have gotten hit by a car if there had been someone in the parking lot not paying attention. The thought of that just scare the crap out of me. I guess I'm going to have to be more careful....

1 Year Ago Today...

2009-08-08T20:42:00.003-05:00

1 year ago today I had my lap-band surgery. What a year! I'm still learning from this process, it has been a hard thing to go through. I am still learning what I can and can't eat, and still try to eat things I'm not supposed to. I know that if I had been super strict from the beginning I would have lost more weight. But, I can't go back, I can only change my habits. And I have a feeling I'm going to have to after Monday. I go in for my 1 year follow up and will possibly have another fill. I just have this feeling that I am going to have to start from the beginning and re-learn things. I'm a little nervous about having another fill, but it will be worth it. Hopefully more weight will come off. I still have about 30 pounds I'd like to lose, and from where I've come from tat doesn't seem like that much!

How Far I've Come....

2009-07-04T22:13:00.006-05:00

So I've had my band almost a year now. I'm not where I wanted to be, but that's my own fault. I just recently started working out, and it has payed off. I wanted to be at my goal of about 80 pounds gone by August 8, my surgery date. And I've only lost about 45 (give or take a couple of pounds). But like I said, that's my own fault. But I finally found a trainer that does bootcamps, so I don't have to join a gym. I'm currently doing my 2nd one because the 1st one worked so well. In 6 weeks I lost 16 total inches, 8 lbs and 9% body fat. I guess I'm at a point where people care barely tell I've lost anything, unless I bring out an old picture. But when people see Stephen, they go on and on about how good he looks and how much he's lost. I guess they'll do that to me once I've lost 80 pounds! But I wanted to post a few pictures of what I looked like before, and what I look like now.
Before surgery and 2 months after

Before bootcamp (on left, 9 months out; after bootcamp 6 weeks later)

I'm just in awe....

2009-05-24T21:53:00.005-05:00

Of how big my baby boy is getting. We hung some new frames today, some that I bought a while back but just had a chance to hang. But they have pictures of Noah from his birthday and a few before that and I can't believe how much he has changed. He looks so grown up even from his birthday pictures, like such a big boy! I have loved every minute with him and I still feel blessed that I have him. That feeling will never go away. I am so in love....

Bootcamp has Started!

2009-05-13T21:51:00.002-05:00

A couple of weeks ago a friend told me about a bootcamp a friend of hers did. I started to really want to do it because I hate to join a gym because it seems I have no motivation on ever going. So I looked into it, and it's for 6 weeks....so as a gift to myself for my birthday I signed up. Monday night was just weight and measurement..and of course a trip to the grocery store. I learned that Michelle is a nutrition natzi and wants us to keep a food journal. She also gave us a menu of things to eat..hence the trip to the store. I've been doing really well at writing things down and following the menu, although I DID have a couple pieces of MY birthday cake yesterday and today. They were small, but I enjoyed every bite! I told Stephen to take the rest to work so I wouldn't be tempted!

So last night, Michelle wasn't there so she had another trainer fill in. I've done things I haven't done in a long time and I was sore this morning. Tonight, I didn't think I was going to make it! I have never worked out this hard. I love to watch the Biggest Loser and see how much determination they have....and tonight I felt like one of them. The only thing is I learned something about myself. I learned that when things get hard, I tend to quit and I don't know how to push myself. I am sore, and I definately wanted to quit tonight. But at the end...I survived, I did it. I've been told that this is only the beginning and it's going to get worse. And she told us that she wants us to work so hard that we curse her name...and I'm sure I'll get to that point. But I signed up for this, and it will be worth it in the end...I hope!

Date Night with Hubby

2009-05-09T12:04:00.002-05:00

Stephen and I try to have date nights every so often. I think once you have kids, it becomes a must. You lose track of each other and have to have time for yourselves! So this was the 3rd time we had a night away. And the 3rd time we stayed at The Magnolia. Stephen picked this hotel when we were looking for a nice place for our first night away from Noah. And he picked it because 1. it looked nice, but 2. it has complimentary cookies and milk before bed! So I got all dressed up, well not too dressy but dressier than I have been in a long time. We had planned on walking down the street to a place called Sambuca, where we have been the other 2 times we have stayed at the hotel. But it hurts to be beautiful! Meaning, I put on thses cute wedges and thought I could handle the pain for 1 evening. Let me just say there is a reason I work in healthcare! My feet hurt so bad that we couldn't walk down there! So we stayed at the hotel and ate some over-priced food and rented a movie. And the movie (which was also over-priced and not very good...Seven Pounds) we actually got comped because we kept having to call downstairs before we rented it. We kept trying, but it was saying our room wasn't checked it. Then this morning we ordered room service (complimentary since it was my birthday), and had breakfast in bed. I have never stayed in a hotel and ordered room service, and now I know why. The food was again over-priced, and the bill was $41! it would have been about $15 at Denny's! Oh well, I was taking advantage of it! Overall..great get away!

YAY! I'm off for Mother's Day weekend!

2009-05-03T02:22:00.002-05:00

Well, I pleaded my case to my boss, and the only thing I really had to do was remind her we were dedicating Noah at church on sunday....VIOLA! I am really excited, and this will have to be the last weekend for a while I take off. I admit, I've taken off alot this year already! So my plans for the upcoming weekend include: overnight date night with my hubby friday, Brooklyn's birthday party saturday, my birthday dinner saturday night with friends, church on Sunday, and hopefully lunch after church at BJ's! I've said before, I love my job on the weekends. It's laid back, and I get to spend my time with my toots during the week. But it's hard to sacrifice your time with your spouse, to work. I hate not being able to do things on the weekends....but I sacrifice that to be home with my son.

And my birthday gift to myself (hopefully the class isn't full) is to do a 6 week bootcamp. I'm a little nervous, I've never done anything like that before...but I have to get my but into gear and lose the rest of my weight. I want to be a hot mom!! My Mother's Day gift to myself has not been ordered yet. But it's going to be a necklace with a picture of my baby boy. I'll post a pic once I get it.

Just need to vent...

2009-05-01T08:09:00.003-05:00

So, I say alot that I like working the hours I do. But sometimes it really sucks. I lose out on time with my family because we can't do anything during the week, so occasionally I take a weekend off. Hey, that's what Paid Time Off is for, right?. Yes, I have taken a few weekends off this year...my HS reunion, my son's 1st birthday and I just recently took 2 weekends off for a road trip. Before we even left for our vacation I put in another request for mother's day weekend. I found out they were doing a baby dedication at church, and I wanted to dedicate Noah. I had a few other things planned too, to get the most out of my weekend. Well, last weekend I asked my boss if she had found coverage for my time off...my shift is a hard one to cover. She said "I didn't realize it was mother's day weekend....and you were off for Easter, too?" I said yes....and she proceded to tell me that she doesn't let her staff off for 2 holidays in a row. But somehow I figured she's still let me off, but she was telling me for the future...as in, don't do it again.

Well, last night I was checking my work email and she sent me an email saying that she approved my time for friday night, but not for saturday.....and I got really mad and upset. The thing is, Mother's Day is not a hospital recognized holiday....plus no one else asked off! I mean 1 person asked off, but that doesn't affect me since I work nights, and this other person works days. If I worked days, I see how she would have a point. But to not let me have off because it's another holiday is just not fair. Not to mention, there are 6 more holidays in the year, and I have to work 4 of them becuase they either fall on a friday or saturday. PLUS for the next 2 years Christmas falls on friday and satuday. So I'm going to go to work tomorrow night and plead my case to her. Stephen said I can always just call in, but I wouldn't do that to my coworker. I just had plans for that weekend, and now they are up in the air...

Our Road Trip

2009-04-15T12:05:00.006-05:00

When my brother and sister-in-law had their baby, Stephen and I decided we were going to go up and see her. We checked into flying, but it was going to cost too much money. Besides, we've never traveled with Noah before, so we weren't sure how he was going to do. He starts to get a little cranky in his carseat after about 2-3 hours. I was DREADING driving, but that's what we decided to do. Stephen had a family reunion in April that he wanted to go to in Louisiana so we decided to make it a family vacation.

We left on friday and drove to Louisiana and stayed the night with his aunt. The reuinion was on saturday and it was a BEAUTIFUL day! I'm not an out-doorsy kind of girl, but we stayed outside all day! Stephen's mom wanted to have an easter egg hunt for the kids, which Noah was the youngest and we had alot of fun!

After the reunion, we headed to Mississippi. We had to make a couple of stops, which I new we would. Noah had been sick with diarrhea since a couple of days before we left, so we had to make a stop and...change his clothes. Good thing I overpacked is all I can say. Byt the time we made it up to my brothers house we had to do some laundry. Anyway, we stayed in Meridian Mississippi saturday night and got up and went from Meridian to Cinncinati. Sunday was the worst day. It was a long time to be in the car. We made several stops, but we dreaded to put Noah back in the car. It was hard to keep him entertained. I eventually had to get in the backseat with him, which was not fun. Everytime I handed him a toy to play with, he threw it down. I finally brought out the DVD player and it actually kept him entertained...I was suprised! We traveled thru Kentucky, and I have to say that is one of my favorite states. It was beautiful! It also started snowing on us! We finally got to Cinncinati that night and got to the hotel and crashed. We got up Monday morning and drove from Cinncinati to Pennsylvania, and I met my sweet neice for the 1st time!! She was all smiles and very vocal! Noah kept wanting to touch her face, and she wasn't having it! They didn't play too much together, but they played some.

It was so cold! It snowed almost the entire time we were there. Stephen and I thought it was neat, but Shaun and Nicole were like "ugh, it's snowing again". I guess they sometimes feel about the snow like we feel about the heat. It's not supposed to be almost 70 degrees on Christmas here, just like it's not supposed to be snowing the week of Easter there.

One thing we wanted to do while we were there was go to Niagra Falls, and we were going to try but it was so cold. We didn't go prepared for how cold it was. We don't need heavy coats and scarves here, so we didn't go prepared. I knew it was going to be cold, but it was COLD! We did go to a park where there was a bridge that was torn down by a tornado, but we only stayed for about 10 minutes. Noah didn't like the cold! We have a great time with them. We've never really spent that much time with them. They've been down here several times, but they always go off and do their own thing. So it was nice to talk and play games. Shaun and I get along much better as adults! And Nicole is a wonderful cook! I think I'm pretty good, but she was putting me to shame! They grow alot of their own fruits and veggies when they can. We had fresh blueberry muffins and fresh green beans. She grew up growing and canning their own veggies and I wish we had the weather and climate for that here. Grocery bills would be cheaper!

We left on thursday and made our way back home. Another stop on this trip was thru Arkansas to meet my other brother. I have a half brother that I've grown up knowing about, but had never met. When I was pregnant, I found him on myspace. We had been talking and finaly decided to meet. I was very nervous the meet him. He's about 10 years older than me and grew up differently than I did. I didn't know if we'd have alot in common, and I didn't know if he'd even accept me as a sister. But finding out that he has the same feelings towards me put me at ease. There were defianely some awkward times, but I'm so glad we decided to meet. And I hope it's not going to be the last time. I actually have alot in common with his wife Jamie. They just had a baby in January, so Noah is 1 year older than their son Micah. I really hope they grow up knowing each other. Chad and Shaun look alot alike...and I don't look like either of them!

We drove home from Arkansas and were so happy to be home. It was the night before Easter and I wish we could have gone to church and I would have had an Easter basket for Noah, but that's okay. I did stuff some eggs with teddy grahams and cheerios and we had a little egg hunt in the back yard. All in all it was a good, long trip. we're glad we did it...but don't want to do it again anytime soon!

Depression

2009-03-28T01:25:00.002-05:00

I've been battling my depression again lately and I don't like it. Stephen and I never fight, but I just feel lately that we lose touch with each other. With me working weekends, and him working during the week I just don't feel like I see him enough. I knew that having a baby changes everything, and I welcomed that change. We wanted a baby for so long, but I'm glad we got to spend time together when we did. I miss him. I see him during the week, but we don't see alot of each other on the weekend. When I had Noah, I didn't want to go back to work but I knew I'd have to. Then it seemed like God opened this door for me for the weekend position. And while it's been nice, I miss my time with my husband. I knew that we would have to make sacrifices in order to not have to put Noah in daycare, but now I'm wondering if it's been too much. We rarely have date nights anymore, and I know that if I didn't work saturdays we would have more of them. I know we can still do things on sunday afternoons, but it's hard because I don't sleep that much and half the day is wasted.

I learned this evening that there is another part time position, but it's monday-friday 3p-9p. Right now I work friday and saturday 7p-7a. I like the shift I work because I spend all week with Noah. And I'm looking forward to him starting mothers day out in the fall 2 times a week. That would give me time to finally start working out after I drop him off and getting some cleaning done at home...ME TIME! If I took this new position, not much would change, except I would have to rush to get him and take him home on those days and then rush to work. I would also have to depend on someone to watch him for about 30 min to an hour in the time that I go to work and Stephen gets home. That's the bad part, I don't want to depend on someone to have to watch him. Right now, I have my mom or father in law come over on fridays while I try and get some sleep. That's another thing about where I'm at, I have such a hard time sleeping on fridays.

Lord, please help me understand what I need to do.

Happy St. Patricks Day!!

2009-03-17T23:00:00.002-05:00

Not too much going on lately. The weather is finally getting pretty! I like the cold weather, but I hate being cold (does that make sense?) I love eating soup and drinking hot chocolate, or cuddled up under a blanket...but I've been really cold lately. Stephen says it's because I've lost weight....I told him we'd see if that was true when the summer hits. If I sweat the same, I don't think it's true. But this kind of weather I LOVE! Sunshine, breezy...about 68-72 degrees. I don't mind it a little warmer as long as there's a breeze. When it's just hot and humid I hate being outside. But today Noah and I got out and went to the park. We've only been a few times, and everytime he has hated it and cried. I first put him in a swing when he was about 8 months old....and he cried. I originally thought he cried because he didn't feel good, he wasn't acting like himself that day. We tried again not too long ago and he cried again. I tried again today....same thing! There were alot of kids there (spring break), and he again wasn't acting like himself after he woke up from his nap but I really wanted to get out. I stay pretty couped up during the week, because I'm afraid if I get out and go anywhere I'll spend money. So we went, and he cried. Then we went to see grumpy and he was a little better. He got to sit in grumpy's UPS truck. Where I met up with him was near some fountains where some ducks are. And as soon as I put him down to walk around, he headed for the ducks! I guess he likes animals! Just a few pictures from the day...

Sometimes I just feel....

2009-03-07T01:26:00.002-06:00

like a failure. I've lost a total of about 40 pounds with the band. And sometimes I still forget I have it. Not really, but I forget I can't take big bites of anything and I have to chew it really well.....because if I don't, it comes back up. And I'm writing this now because I just ate. I think I'm doing well by continuing to eat Lean Cuisine or Weight Watcher meals, but I have to remember I'm not suppsed to eat the whole thing. I just finished a LC 4 cheese manicotti dinner, and it was good as I ate it, but now I feel totally stuffed. Like thanksgiving stuffed. It's still hard for me to know when I'm full. I feel satisfied, but I still have the feeling that if I don't finish, I'm going to be hungry in a few hours. I might be, but that's a good thing. I'm supposed to eat every couple of hours. I'm scared to death I'm going to stretch out my stomach, or somehow make my band slip. I just feel out of control in a way.

I've also been trying to excersize and it just doens't seem to be doing any good. One week, I walked several miles a day for like 3 days, and I was up by 2 pounds on the scale. Now granted, it was about to be my TOM but still, it's very frustrating! I've been doing my Wii fit everyday this week, and I'm still not seeing a change. This is where I'd get so frustrated and say "what's the use? What am I doing this for, it's not working??" I've been so frustrated that Stephen lost almost 80 pounds without doing anything, why can't I be like that? Instead, I have to work my a** off for 1 stinking pound!! Why did God have to make me this way? Okay, I gotta stop typing now, because I'm at work and I'm about to cry....

A little confused, unsure, and torn...

2009-02-18T21:38:00.002-06:00

I've been thinking about this alot lately. August will be 1 year out from my lap band, and while I've done okay I still have a long way to go. I want to lose about 40-50 more pounds before we have another baby. That's what I'm torn about. Since August will be 1 year out from surgery, we can start to TTC again. I told Stephen that I'd go ahead and go off the pill and we can see what happens. While I like the pill because it keep me regular, I don't like some of the side effects....I'll just leave it at that. The problem is that the pill has always masked my PCOS symptoms, so getting off of it would mean that I could get cysts again, and they could rupture. It took us 2 1/2 years to have Noah, so I have no idea how long it would take us to get pregnant again. I always wanted to have 2 kids by the time I was 30, and I'll be 29 this year.....so I'm not getting any younger, but I am by no means old. And I'd ideally like to have about 3 years in between. So I'd like to go off the pill because it could take a while to get pregnant. But what if it doesn't? What if this weight loss has done wonders for my PCOS and I get pregnant with no problem. It wouldn't be a bad thing, I just don't know if we want or are ready for another one right now. Now granted, it wouldn't be right now, Noah would be a little over 2 by the time I had another baby if I got pregnant in August. I don't know, I'm just torn about the whole thing. And I couldn't even imagine loving another baby the way I love my little man. He is my world and he makes me smile everyday. I can't believe that I cried when I found out he was a boy. I wanted a girl SO bad. But I think God gave him to me to show me that I would love him and adore him, and God was right. I said that from the beginning, I just KNEW he was a boy, but I so desperately wanted a girl that I got my hopes up. I wouldn't trade him for anything, and Stephen and I both said that if we weren't blessed with another child Noah would be enough. He's my sweet angel, and I thank God everyday for him.

My Favorite Time of Day

2009-02-05T23:00:00.003-06:00

Every day I wake up and seem to do the same things. I get up, feed Noah breakfast, play, feed him lunch, lay him down for a nap, do what I can quietly while he's sleeping, wait for Stephen to come home, cook dinner......everyday is the same thing basically. But my favorite part of the day, and Stephen and I have to take turns because we both love it, is feeding Noah his last bottle and putting him to bed. He has always fallen asleep on us, and I don't think I would have it any other way. That is the only time he is a snuggle bunny. That is the only time I can tell him how much we love him and how thankful we are for him. Well, I tell him all day that I love him. But when he's laying in my arms, so comfy, so sweet...that's when I tell him he's my sweet angel and I thank God for giving him to me, and I pray that HE keeps him safe in the night. Everyone told me to cherish every minute with him, and I do. He is growing up too fast, the time is just flying. And I know that I will not be able to hold him in my arms forever, so I cherish those moments.

I am so frustrated at the moment!

2009-02-03T14:18:00.002-06:00

UGH, I am just really irritated!!!! Today I get up to get Noah's breakfast ready and I opened the dishwasher and it was full, just not run yet. And Stephen was the last one to load it! UGH! So I add a few more things and start it. Then I ran out of milk for Noah that was in one carton, so I open the other one and thrown the empty one away....and the trash is full!!! Again, instead of taking the trash out this morning before he left for work, he grabbed the last granola bar and put the empty box on the counter. UGH...MEN!! Usually I don't complain about Stephen becaue he's so good at doing everything else and I'm the messy one. but SERIOUSLY??!!

Then to top off my already frustrated mood, Noah has decided to become a picky eater. He has been so good until now. He ate everything we gave him with no problem. well all of a sudden a few days ago he started refusing things...and it's all stuff he has eaten and liked before. I originally thought maybe it was because he wasn't feeling good, and that's what the pedi said too. But no, he's gotten better and he's still refusing things. I have some graduate meals for when I don't cook or we're eating something that is too spicy or something. And he was refusing those too. He'll eat bread, some crackers (he's been throwing goldfish off his tray), cheese (sometimes) and his fruit. The problem is he see's his sippy cup full of milk and that's what he wants. And he wants to drink it all before he eats anything. Grr....I thought we were going to have it easy since he's liked everything before.

Okay, vent over!

More Cakes!!

2009-01-29T17:31:00.007-06:00

I've made a few more cakes, and all have turned out pretty well. This one was for my last class. The flowers are okay, but I don't really care to do them again. They are pure sugar, and while I do have a sweet tooth I don't care for these. It's like biting into a sugar cube. Bleh, give me buttercream anyday over that!!

This one was for a lady I work with.....just wanted more practice!

This one was a practice cake for Noah's party. I really wanted to make his cake just to say that I did, but I had to prove I could before I had to pay for the one I ordered. I saw a picture of this cake that I really wanted and I took it to the cake shop and they said they could make it for $144 becasue it was a 2 teir cake. So I ordered a regular sheet cake, but that's not what I wanted. So I decided to make it myself. This was a trial to see if I could even do it. It turned out okay, but the real one turned out better!

And here's how it turned out for the party. It was a PAIN to do, I was getting frustrated. The grass wouldn't stick to the layer of buttercream underneath. So everytime I piped it on, it would fall off. And the bag kept busting, so I used about 5 different bags. But, it all came together and turned out really well I think!

A few pics from Noah's birthday

2009-01-29T17:24:00.004-06:00

My Baby Boy Turned 1!!!!

2009-01-27T22:03:00.003-06:00

Man, where did the year go???? This time last year I was leaving the hospital with a brand new beautiful baby boy. When I first saw him, he was the cutest baby I'd ever seen....although I know every mother feels that way. I was scared to death I wouldn't know what to do with him, and sometimes I feel like I still don't. This was been a wonderful year, and I am so thankful that God blessed me with such a sweet boy!

We had his birthday party on his birthday, January 24. I had been planning it for months. I think around 6 months I started looking at themes and decided I wanted to do a jungle theme. I didn't want a baby-ish theme and I am so happy with what I picked out. The funny thing is I started planning it a long time ago and then I waited until what seemed like the last moment to order the stuff. I pictured in my head what I wanted and how I wanted things to look, and I have to say everything was perfect. I even decided to make his cake and it turned out better than I imagined. I don't have any pictures, well I took a few and just haven't uploaded them yet. But one of the best things I had, a gift from my mom, was to have a photographer there taking pictures. And not just any photographer, Viviana (www.heartspunimagery.typepad.com). She has taken his/our pictures before and I absolutely love her work. Having her there made my mind at ease, and I could spend time with my guests and my birthday boy, rather than making sure I get the perfect picture. I cannot wait to see all the pictures!! I'll be updating probably with a slideshow once I get the CD of all the pictures. Ahh, the suspense is killing me!!!

I know Noah won't remember his birthday, but I hope one day he can look back at all the pictures and know his mommy loved him!

My Cake Decorating Classes

2009-01-07T22:46:00.004-06:00

I've taken on cake decorating!!! Just as a hobby, I thought it would be fun and it is. I've done several classes now, I'm on course 2 and will have my final class next week. What made me start thinking about writing a blog is that today I sat down and made some flowers for my cake from the royal icing I had to make and my rosess look pitiful! let me start from the first course:

Course 1 we had to make 3 cakes. Every week we learned something new, a new border how to write (which I need some serious practice), and different techniques. Our first cake was the 2nd class and had to be a 'character' cake, just something besides round. I chose the cupcake pan. I was inspired by a friend of mine. Just a couple of days/weeks before we were talking about her daughters birthday and how she wanted to do a pink and brown cupcake theme. So I went with that as my first cake. We had to do the star technique over the entire cake, so I figured that would be easy enough.

I wanted to do something other than just a pink top, so I attempted polka-dots. It didn't come out the way I wanted it to, they weren't so round. After I had already done the entire thing the instructer asked me if I wanted to do a border. I told her yes and she showed me the rosette technique. If I had only known about that as I was trying to do polka-dots, maybe they would have come out better! Oh well, I learned something. Oh, and I would not suggest that cake pan. The bottom of the cupcake (the all chocolate part) was not as thick as the top part. So that cooked alot faster than the rest. So when I tried to cut into it to see how it tasted, I couldn't cut into it....it was so hard! Again, lessoned learned. The cake was a chocolate cake with dark chocolate and regular buttercream.

My second cake was the clown cake. Again, not a great cake. It was cute because of the clowns, but the dots on the sides were not cute. My icing had gotten a little thin. I guess when you work with it, if your hands start to get warm, it will melt the icing a little.....I don't know. If I do a cake like this again, I'll use M&M's on the side. I also needed to work on getting my cake level. It was french vanilla cake with regular buttercream. But here it is:

My third and final cake of course one was my favorite. I loved the colors. We had to do the rose. It's easier than they look, and with practice they look better. It was another french vanilla cake and buttercream.

What a difference a couple of weeks make!!

The next cake I made I saw on Cakecentral.com and I wanted to make it. I wouldn't have except I was going to be working New Years Eve and I wanted to take it to work. I thought it turned out pretty good for just my 4th cake!

It was a chocolate cake with cookies and cream filling (I experimented a little, and it payed off. It was GOOD!) I was trying to make the icing black, but I was tired of adding the color. Ususally with the colors that you use for the icing, it doesn't take much. But with black I was told that you have to use pretty much the entire container. I kind of like how it turned out grayish-silver. That is a real minature wine bottle and rock candy for the ice.

I don't have pictures of my last cake yet since I don't make it until next week. I had to make a double recipe for making flowers (I think there is a total of 6-7 different flowers and I need about 5 of each for the cake). So I made the icing and when I took it to class to make all the flowers, it was too soft. We thickened it up a little, but one of my colors didn't get thick enough. I made some roses with it and after I put them away and looked at them before coming to bed, they fell....they are flat now. So I have to make some more icing and make more stupid roses!!! Oh well....part of the job!

Christmas is over...now onto Noah's birthday!

2008-12-28T01:10:00.002-06:00

I love christmas, but I'm glad it's over. Usually I hate to take the decorations down, but I was so ready this year. I think partly because our living room has been taken over by toys, and I was ready for the tree to come down to make more room. We are also trying to turn a spare room into a playroom, and all the christmas storage boxes were in that room....and it was driving me crazy. A goal of mine is to get that room cleaned out by Noah's birthday!

I frequently talk about thenest.com. I really like that website because I can go on and ask any question and get ideas on things. However, in a way I think it changes the way I feel about things. Alot of moms on there make their own baby food, cloth diaper their babies, and feed them organic food if they don't make it themselves. I attempted to make my own food.....that lasted about a month. I was always steaming or pureeing something. And while I knew that was best for Noah, I got tired of it. I started thinking about it....do I want to spend my time with my son, or making food. I chose him, and started buying baby food. I figured, we ate it and we're fine. But I would only buy the Earths Best brand from babies r us, or gerber organic. If when I read the ingredients and it had stuff I couldn't pronounce, I wouldn't buy it. And alot of women on the nest would say stuff like "have you seen the ingredients? YUCK!" So that made me think twice about what I bought. But now that he's getting to the age where he's eating more table food, I start wondering what I need to feed him. I don't want to worry about going to central market to buy his waffles because they are organic. I guess I just don't want to feed him crap. I still am so worried that he will have a weight problem. I know, I'm crazy. But when you have suffered from weight problems all your life, I worry I might contribute to his. I guess as long as we don't go through the drive thru and I don't feed him french fries and chicken nuggets all the time he'll be okay. I don't want to raise a picky eater. He hasn't been picky so far, I don't want him to start now. I guess too much of the nest makes me paranoid.

Almost Christmas!

2008-12-21T23:04:00.004-06:00

I haven't posted in a while....there are so many other websites I go to, I forget about this one! It's almost Noah's first christmas and birthday! I can't believe it has been almost a year already. I am so ready for him to open all his toys, he's been needing some new ones! The tree and the mantle are decorated....

with a gate to keep little hands from grabbing my ornaments. It snowed for the 2nd time since we've been in our house, and Noah didn't like it too much.

It seemed very special to me that it snowed this year. It snowed our first Christmas in our house 4 years ago, and then it snowed this year for his first christmas. We've been thinking about moving. Not really seriously thinking about it, but almost. I would love to move up closer to my brother, but Texas has been my home my whole life. On one hand, I would love to move and live in another city, but at the same time it scares me that I would have to learn new highways, and meet new people. All my friends and some family are here, although my parents said they would move with us. I finally have a good shift at work that I get to stay home with Noah during the week and I don't want to give that up. I don't know if I'd be able to find a job. But I am sick of this weather. I love the cold weather and the snow....but I've never had to live in the cold weather and the snow so I don't know how long that would last. Another thing is that I'm sentimental about my house. This is the first house we built together, that I've gotten to decorate. I love this house. Sure, I want to change a few things, but who doesn't? And moving somewhere, we would have to get a smaller house for the money. I am NOT a fixer-upper kind of girl. I don't know, it all sounds fun and scary at the same time. Who knows, we'll probably be here for a while!

I am so tired of politics!

2008-11-06T06:58:00.002-06:00

Okay, first of all let me say that I don't have a right to approve or dispprove of our new president because I didn't vote. No I'm not registered, and Stephen isn't either. I don't know why I never got registered. I hate politics, I don't understand half of what they are ever talking about on the news. I don't like watching the news, because I never understand it, and sadly I don't care to. I don't understand what republicans or democrats stand for, I didn't know what candidate was what. There was always something about Obama that I didn't like, but I never knew what. However, there was something that told me that he would probably be a better president than Mccain. I didn't research either candidate and didn't know their stance on anything, so I didn't feel like I could make an informed vote on either candidate.

Now that being said, I am SO tired of hearing all over the news that there are so many people happy to finally have an African American president. The first thought I have is that, yes I know this is history in the making but what is it about a black president that is going to be so much better than a white one? It seems like it always goes back to black and white. I was watching the news the other day about a woman crying because this is what her ancestors would have wanted, why? Just because we have white presidents, does that mean our country is going downhill? I didn't vote because I didn't want to vote for Mccain just because I didn't want Obama to win. And sometimes during this election, I felt like african americans voted for Obama just because they wanted a black president. Maybe they know his views and they supported those views, but why is that not on the news. Why aren't they saying 'I voted for him because I like his views on this...' not'this is what my ancestors would have wanted. Finally an African American in the White House.'

This is just my opinion. I really hope that Obama is a good president, but if he's not I don't have the right to complain.

Hmmm....

2008-11-03T21:40:00.003-06:00

Well, let's see. I haven't posted in a while, nothing really new. I'm working weekends and I love it. I spend all week at home with my lil man! I can't believe he's 9 months old already. Time has flown by. He has 2 teeth and I keep thinking that he's getting another one or two any day now. He's drooling, and can be cranky but I don't see any sign of new teeth. He won't let me look and when I rub my finger on his gums he bites me with the bottom 2! Ouch! He's getting so big and more beautiful. I am blessed with a beautiful little boy. Some days I think about having another one, and some days I'm not sure if I want another one. I want to show him everything and do so much with him. We will have another one, but I don't know when. I don't have baby fever yet!

My weight loss has stalled a bit. I had a 2nd fill and I don't think it's working as good. I still feel like I can eat more than I should, although I still try and watch what I'm eating. I'm not excersizing like I should, and I want to kick that up some but at the same time I don't want to kill myself. I've been hovering over the same couple of pounds and it's irritating me! Ugh, I didn't gain weight over night so it's not going to come off over night.

Random Update

2008-09-20T02:45:00.002-05:00

Not too much has been going on, but at the same time...alot of things are on my mind.

1. I had my first fill on September 8, and according to my scale I've lost about3-4 pounds since. Shortly before, Stephen and I started walking. He's so good he's been doing Walk Away the Pounds DVD with me about 3 days a week. It's a 3 mile power walk and we'd been doing 1-2 miles 3 days a week. I enjoy doing that as opposed to walking outside for some reason. As far as my fill, I've felt some restriction, still not enough though. I HAVE to lose 10 more pounds by October 18...my reunion. The hurricane hasn't helped. I stocked up on "hurricane food" and when I got to work all we had was junk. I was so mad at myself for eating the way I did, but when you don't have electricity you don't eat the best things. Anyway, I didn't gain any weight but I didn't lose either. I'm seriously thinking about signing up with WW online for a few months to see how I do.

2. Hurricane IKE hit. I came in to work and worked my 24 hours straight. I would have stayed longer, but Stephen had to go to work too and even though Noah was at my in-laws I wanted to be with him if Stephen wasn't. Being at work was actually fun. We played games, ate junk, watched movies....I didn't know that we weren't going to be able to shower. And once the power went off it got smelly, hot and musty. Not us, the hospital. I wouldn't have wanted to be a patient through a hurricane. We got minor damage, only our fence, and we are counting ourselves lucky. All the 2 story houses in our neighborhood had damage. Shingles flew off and they had water damage in their house. Our fence is gone, but we still have our house. We are a week out and still no electricity at our house. Our house is hot and musty...and it smells from the stuff in the freezer!! But we have been staying with our parents. Stephen's parents got electricity for 3 whole hours after I got off work. I was able to take a shower and dry my hair on saturday evening and then the power went off, and stayed off. They had a generator, but when the power came back on they let other family members borrow it. That night was the worst. I couldn't sleep because I was hot and Noah was up and down all night. The next day, my parents got electricity so we went over there and have been there since. I am thankful for my parents hospitality, but we're ready to go home. I want to sleep in my own bed, not on a sofa-sleeper. I want Noah to be back in his crib in his room. An apartment isn't bad for 2 people....but for 4 adults, an infant, 2 dogs and a cat...it's a bit small. My bed is calling me....

3. On the upside, Noah FINALLY has a tooth! I didn't think it would ever come through. And he's been so cranky, I hope another one is going to pop up. I can't believe this week he'll be 8 months! He's starting to get the hang of crawling. It's mostly been army crawling for a couple weeks, but he's getting up the the real crawl now. Also in the last couple of days, he can sit up from a laying position. He's been trying to do that for so long!

Okay, I'm tired and tired of being on the computer....

I need a new hairstyle!

2008-09-04T21:55:00.002-05:00

I've had the same hairstyle forever! I've let it grown out alot, but it doesn't seem like it's grown that much sometimes. The longest it's ever been is down to the middle of my back. Now it's between my shoulder blades. The only thing I can ever do it straighten it, and I get tired of doing that all the time. I've had the same style, layered. I finally grew out my bangs, but sometimes I want them back. I straighten it, and then put it up in a ponytail for work. I hate not having bangs because it walways looks so slicked back, and I hate that look. I like the look of side swipe bangs, but my hair parts down the middle. I've tried to make it part down one side, and it just won't. Occasionally I'll put my hair up in rollers, but when I take it down you can see creases in my hair where the rollers were. And if the weather is a little too hot that day, it frizzes. So alot of times I'll roll it and put it up in sort of a messy ponytail, but I still have to pin hair back because I hate hair in my face at work. I like the color of my hair, but my 10 year high school reunion is coming up and I want a new look....but I'm scared. I've always had longer layered hair, and I'd love to have some sort of a bob, but I'm not sure how it would look with my rounded face. And do I have a round face, or oval? I'm starting to lose weight now, so my face isn't looking as fat....I just need something new. I don't think anyone is happy with their hair. Curly people want straight, and straight wants curly. I just wish I could have the best of both worlds. I wish I could have a little curl so that when I wear my hair up it doesn't look so slick, but I want to be able to straighten it. And when I straighten it, I need to add a little oomph to make it look not so board straight and linp. I know I'm rambling, but I am so tired of my current style and length. I'm just to scared to do anything drastic. I know it's just hair, but my hair doesn't grow very fast and I don't want to be unhappy with it!

6 days out....

2008-08-13T21:29:00.001-05:00

I had surgery on friday, and I've been really good with the liquids. Eating soup, and drinking protein shakes. And I'm starting to feel ALOT better than I did a few days ago. But I'm finding myself craving bad stuff....pizza and hamburgers. It's not like I even ate that stuff very often anyway, like only every once in a while.

I feel like people characterize big people as eating that kind of stuff all the time, and I wasn't like that. I hardly ever went through a drive thru, and when I did I felt guilty. My weakness was always dessert. We never ate dessert when we went out to eat, but I loved to bake. I would bake stuff, and then take it to work and let everyone else enjoy it. Anyway, I guess I'm realizing that my life has changed. I'm no longer going to be able to eat rolls and bread. I'm not going to be able to just order a pizza when I don't want to cook. I know alot of people say you can still have those things, just watch your proportions. But what's the point? I mean, that kind of stuff is the reason I got the band. I know I'll still try to eat something I'm not supposed to, but like my DH says, eating is not fun anymore. You eat to live now, and the band is going to make sure I eat the right things.

I'm Banded!

2008-08-10T13:15:00.002-05:00

I had my lap band surgery on Friday and I am still pretty sore. I feel so far that this is harder than all my other surgeries...including my c-section. If anyone has ever had laproscopic surgery before you know about the gas pains. For those who haven't let me explain what happens.

In order for them to see in there, they pump your abdomen full of air. Once they close all the incisions all that air is still trapped inside. So your bloated with the air and it goes up to your shoulders causing pain in your shoulders. I was prepared for that from the other surgeries I've had. This time though it went to my shoulders, back, and neck....I felt like I was hit by a truck! It is also under my diaphragm so it's making it hard to take in a deep breath. So I have the gas pain along with pain from the port. The port is right under the skin right above the waist, so everytime I move it's painful.

I started to feel better, and then I started feeling nauseated. Yesterday I was just on clear liquids, and I don't even think I finished one bottle of water all day. So I think I was nauseated from not eating anything for 2 days, and last night I has a set back because I got up at 4 am and had to 'throw up', although I didn't have anything in my stomach. It was just the dry heaving that hurt so bad. But, I'm taking it easy and I'm sitting with a heating pad on my stomach and it's been helping with the pain. One hard thing that I'm facing right now is this gas pain. Although I don't know if it's just gas, or if it's hunger pains. It's hard to distiguish gas from hunger.

I want to thank everyone for the thoughts and prayers and for checking on me. I really have a good group of friends. I also have the best husband, he's taking such good care of me. I just have to take it day by day.

I am so sick of this...

2008-08-03T19:52:00.002-05:00

This stupid diet! I know the last couple of days I haven't gotten all the calories I'm supposed to have. I just can't make myself drink the shakes. And tonight I was so hungry, so I fixed a chicken breast....I ate 2 bites and started crying. It was so nasty to me. I don't know how I can do this for 2 1/2 more weeks! Stephen keeps telling me how well I've done, I've lost 10 pounds, but I feel like I'm failing. I want some food! I'm just looking forward to mushy food, but I can't even have that until 2 weeks after surgery. What have I gotten myself into? I feel so depressed. I'm trying to look at the big picture, but it's hard when I'm so hungry. I have to do this. One website that I now visit everyday that helps is obesityhelp.com. Everyone is so nice and understanding, and everyone knows where you are coming from...they've all been there. Stephen has helped me too, and just looking at my baby boy....gets me through.

Last Day of Freedom!

2008-07-24T10:04:00.002-05:00

Well, tomorrow I start my liquid diet for surgery. I'm dreading doing it for 2 weeks, but if that's what I have to do...then I'll do it. I think what is going to make it easier is that I'm starting a new shift at work, so I won't be around people snacking. I'm excited about my new shift, but wonder how it's going to work out.

You know, God has truly blessed me! I have a healthy, happy beautiful baby boy...who happens to be 6 months old today! After he was born I had a chance to take a part time position. I was worried at first, but it seemed like a blessing ins disguise so I went for it. Now, I've been wondering what I'm going to do with Noah since my parents are thinking about moving. I know my father-in-law won't mind watching him, but for some reason if he can't I have to take off work. Then, this other shift opened up and they offered it to me on a trial basis and if it works out it might be permanent. It's weird hours, Fri-Sat 7p-7a, but I'll be home all week with my little man. I just feel like ever since I had Noah, doors have opened up for me and I have never been happier!

So tomorrow I start the dreaded liquid diet for 2 weeks. 2 weeks pre-op, and 2 weeks post-op...I'm hungry just thinking about it. I have been eating like a pig lately and I feel so guilty about it. But Stephen keeps telling me to eat what I want now because after surgery I won't be able to. That reminds me, I should have gotten up and gone to get donuts this morning!!!! Oh, well....I AM going to make Stephen get me a steak and baked potato for my 'last meal'. I know I might be going overboard with this stuff, but I don't care. I'm about to change my life, my way of eating and I'm going to make it work. I'm determined to!

I'm Approved!

2008-07-11T19:47:00.001-05:00

I'm approved for my lap band surgery and I am so excited!!! I got a letter in the mail this last wednesday and I called th office and asked if the letter meant what I thought it did. I had to leave a message for someone to call me back, and she called back at about 5:45pm. She said to call back the next day to schedule. I called and I had to leave another message, and I couldn't wait for her to call me back since today was a holiday. So I called until I got to talk to her, and I am tenatively scheduled for August 8th. I asked if that was the next available, then I realized it wasn't that far away! I have a month to enjoy the things I can't have after surgery, without going overboard of course.

I'm still nervous about the whole thing. I want it done, but I'm scared the first couple of days I'm going to wonder what I did to myself. I know it's not going to cure my weight problem, it's just a tool. I don't think I'm taking the easy way out. But if I don't have it done, I'm going to keep getting heavier and be so unhappy with myself. But now it's not just about me, it's about being healthy and living for my son and showing him good eating habits. I'm not ashamed of this decision, I'm proud of both Stephen and I for making this change.

He Finally Rolled Over!

2008-06-30T11:03:00.001-05:00

Noah finally rolled over! He is now 5 months old, and I thought he would have done this around 3-4 months. He hates tummy time, so he doesn't do it for very long before he starts to cry. But we've started helping him roll over, and today he did it by himself....after a couple practices he did it!!!! Now we have to work on back to tummy. I'm so proud of him!

Surgery May Get Denied

2008-06-21T21:19:00.003-05:00

I haven't posted in a while...nothing new going on. There is now! I wish I had known that this lap-band process was going to be so frustrating. I wrote in my last blog about the attitude Tamika at Dr. Davis' office gave me. I don't know if I wrote in my last blog that Stephen had called the office and talked to the office manager. She apologized for Tamika's attitude and said that the reason I had to have a re-evaluation was that I hadn't seen Dr. Davis since I got pregnant last year, and that weight was going to be my starting weight they used to send to the insurance. I knew when I started back in February that I was right on the border of where I needed to be for insurance to pay for it, so it made me feel better that the weight they would use was my re-evaluation weight....or so she said.

Anyway, fast forward to this past thursday. First I called my PCP, because when Stephen had his surgery he had to have a letter from his primary care physician stating that he has been overweight, he needed to surgery, blah, blah, blah. He never goes to the dr, so I called up Dr Hewitt and she said it was no problem, that she would write it. Well, when I had her write the same letter for me I had to keep calling back to the office to make sure she did it and faxed it to Dr. Davis' office so they would have everything. As far as I knew, they had to wait for my re-evaluation appointment before they submitted everything...not the case. First Dr. Hewitt's office said they they weren't sure if the letter would work because I was supposed to see her for 6 months for a weight related issue. No one told me that! And why would that be the case for me and not Stephen? She told me to call back on tuesday because Dr. Hewitt was out of town. I was already irritated, then Dr. Davis' office called when I got home. It was Tamika saying she had everything to send off to the insurance, but there was a problem. My BMI was a 39 and she was sure that I was going to get denied. I knew I was on the edge, I mean I had to wear ankle weights to get to that weight. I needed a BMI of 40. Not only was it a 39, it was a 39.97 and I don't know if insurance will round up. After I got off the phone with her, I cried and waited for Stephen to get home. He told me that didn't sound right because he talked to the office manager and she told us that we would use my re-evaluation weight. I called back and talked to Tamika and she said that what the office manager told us was absolutely not true, and they had to use my starting weight from February. The thing that is so frustrating is that I could understand if my BMI was 35 or 36, but 39.97? That's the difference in 1/2 pound! All I can do now is wait for 2-3 weeks (hopefully not that long) to hear something from the insurance. I just hope and pray that they round up! If I get denied, I'm not sure what the next step is, I'll have to talk to Dr. Davis about that next week.

So Irritated!!!!

2008-05-16T11:12:00.003-05:00

So, mostly everyone knows that Stephen and I were both going to have lap band. I found out I was pregnant, so I had to put it off. I called them to tell them my news, and they said to call back after he was born. I called in February and asked them what I needed to do to get started again. They told me since I had already seen the DR, to just start going to the classes again. So I did. I called 2 weeks ago and told them my last class was the end of the month and wanted to make sure I didn't need to do anything else. She told me that she would leave a message for the girl that deals with the insurance to call me back since she wasn't there. I told her that Stephen's surgery got pushed because the paperwork didn't get sent off the the insurance or something happened. And she assured me that it wouldn't happen again, and the person in charge of all that is really on top of it now, and she said she left a message for them to call me back. After 2 weeks of me not hearing from them I called today. I talked to the girl in charge of the insurace stuff and she asked me if I had seen Dr Davis yet, and I told her I saw him last year...and gave her the story. She then told me I needed a re-evaluation. I told her that I would have had that done if someone told me, and she got snippy and said "I'm telling you now", so she transfered me to make an appointment. So I stayed on the line for several minutes and I couldn't tell if I got disconnected, and I made a comment to a coworker saying that I wish when you called offices they would all have some kind of music so you know you are still on hold. The girl came on the phone and rudely said "Ma'am, I didn't hang up on you...". Anyway, I have a re-evaluation at the end of June, and THEN they will submit my paperwork, then I will go back in and set a surgery date. I was so irritated becuase I was hoping to have my surgery in early July because I have my 10 yr reunion in October, and I wanted some major weight gone before hand...ugh, I'm just irritated. What a way to start the weekend!

Slideshow of Noah

2008-05-13T20:58:00.002-05:00

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

My First Mothers Day

2008-05-13T16:40:00.005-05:00

This has been a very special year for me. I'm another year older as of yesterday, but that doesn't even matter anymore. Mother's Day has a whole new meaning now. 1 year ago I found out I was pregnant with Noah. I was so scared and nervous, but at the same time I was thinking about what a great birthday present that was. He has been a total blessing to me and Stephen. And from what my mom says, I'm myself again. I was in a relationship before I met Stephen that I guess turned me into a different person. And although I thought I was better once I met and married Stephen, I guess I wasn't my old self....before the ex boyfriend. I was much happier and so fortunate to find the man of my dreams, but I was also sad and frustrated about not being able to get pregnant. It took much longer than I had wanted, but I'm glad it happened when it did. And I've said before that I never wanted or would wish miscarriage on anyone, they happened for a reason. God just wouldn't tell me the reason! Although I will never understand why I lost 2 pregnancies, I know now that I wasn't ready for a baby. And since having Noah, I feel like alot of doors have opened for me. I was able to go back to work part time and not have to put him in a day care. And because I'm not working full time, I am able to learn a modality that I have wanted to learn for a long time....CT Scan. And now that I have my beautiful baby, I am able to have the surgery I wanted to get me healthy so I can be around for him for a long time. I am happier person since having my son....I feel complete, at least for now. And although the past 3 1/2 months haven't been the easiest trying to learn to be a good mom, it's so worth it and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Now that this has gotten a little off subject, let's get back to mother's day. We got up early so we could go to church, so I didn't get breakfast in bed. But I got a locket from Stephen and a mommy charm from Noah. It was only the second time Noah has been to church, but the first at Riverpoint. I was worried a little because the music gets a little loud, and he startles easily but he did pretty good. We went out to eat with my parents after church and then I came home and took a nap! We spent the afternoon outside enjoying the weather. The only thing I would have wanted was a picture with the 3 of us, but Noah wasn't having it! That's okay, I got a few pictures with him...so that's gonna have to do!

Noah's Birth Video

2008-05-07T14:14:00.002-05:00

Just because I love my baby boy, and I never get tired of watching his birth I thought I'd post the video. No matter how much I felt him move in my belly and how uncomfortable I got, it didn't seem real until I heard him cry.....or scream!

Noah's birth

I did my first scrapbook!

2008-05-05T17:28:00.006-05:00

I've known for a while that I would enjoy scrapbooking. When I was pregnant, I knew I wanted to start a scrapbook of my pregnancy and start one for Noah. I finally did it. I bought a small book 2 weeks ago with some stickers and paper because it was on sale. I started, and it was looking okay...then I bought more paper and I started to experiment a little more. When I got done with it, I was happy! It's a little rough, and not as pretty as some I've seen, but it's okay for my first one!
The beginning:

The middle:

The end:

Like I said, it's rough for my first one....and I'll never be as good as the "professionals", but I'm going to keep doing it. I really enjoy it! I have a new hobby!

Noah's 3 Month Pictures

2008-05-02T21:33:00.005-05:00

We took Noah for his 3 month pictures and they turned out so good! Of course I knew they would be! I have been so impressed with Picture This. Every time we go for pictures, they are always so good. It seems like we have had so many pictures done lately, and I'm going to take Noah for 6 months, 9 months and then 1 year. And of course holidays and specials she might run for fall and Christmas. I love her work, and I recommend everyone I can to her!

My Baby Boy is 3 Months Old!!!

2008-04-24T20:50:00.005-05:00

My little Toots is 3 months old today! He's so sweet and so freaking cute!!! I'm not sure how much he weighs, or how long he is.....I'll find out next week when I take him to the dr. He smiles all the time, and is getting to where he only cries or fusses if he's hungry or tired. I was worried that he was going to be a very colicky baby....good thing that only lasted the first month!! I love this baby boy!

UPDATE: Noah weighs in at 14 lbs 15 oz, and is 24 inches long

My Life Long Struggle with Weight

2008-04-21T14:41:00.003-05:00

This is not an easy blog to write. I mean it is because I've been overweight for so long that I've come to terms with it, but it isn't because I am so mad at myself that I let it get to this point. For as long as I can remember, I've been overweight. I've never been one of those women that think I'm beautiful at my size and that I accept myself the way I am, because I hate it. For people who have never had a weight problem, they don't understand what it's like. I remember when I was about 10 or so trying to do situps before going swimsuit shopping. I remember trying to drink my moms slimfast to lose weight. I remember being barely old enough to drive, and I was trying to buy dexatrim or metabolife. It's been a long struggle.

I always tried to nice to people because I didn't want them to not like me because I was fat. I didn't want to be gross to people. Although I look back now, I was never as fat as I thought I was. But at the time, I was bigger than alot of girls. I tried out for cheerleader in 7th grade. From the time I was a little girl, I always wanted to be a cheerleader. They were always pretty and popular. I can remember telling people I wanted to be a professionl cheerleader when I grew up....I was about 7 years old. In 8th grade, I got my chance to be on the squad. I tried out for mascot and made it. To me, I was just as important as a cheerleader! But the day came to order camp clothes and the uniform. I was embarrased to try on things infront of the other girls for fear that they wouldn't like me. It was hard to order a size 12 uniform and not a size 2 like the others. But I had so much fun being mascot! One thing in middle school that hurt me more than anything was a day I found a picture of myself on the ground outside. My mom had taken me and my brother to get pictures made, and I had some done in my uniform. On the front of my picture, the word FAT was written. I was so hurt, and I will always remember that.

In high school things got better. I was mascot again for 2 more years and was a flag in band. For lunch everyday, I would eat a tiny salad and drink water...and occasionally would buy a chocolate chip cookie because my friend always bought one! I had actually lost weight my JR year and not realized how much I'd lost until I tried on my flag shorts when my brother and I had pictures made again. I met a guy that was so cute, and we started dating. I never thought someone so cute could like me! I tried to make things work with him because I never thought I could get anyone better. But things weren't good and he always commented on my weight too. He had a father that was obese and I guess he thought I would end up like that. The thing I never understood, was that he fell in love with me at the weight I was, but yet he wanted to change me. We stayed together for 5 1/2 years, and then I met my husband.

I think I've tried every diet out there....Weight Watchers, Atkins, Quick Weight Loss...all of them. I've joined multiple gyms and never go. Stephen has never once said anything about my weight and has offered to help, since he has had a weight problem too. It took us about 2 1/2 years to have Noah. And when I got pregnant, we were going through the process to have the Lap Band, so I had to wait. Stephen had it done and has lost about 65 pounds. After I had Noah, I started the process again. I'm hoping that in June or July, I'll get to have mine. I don't look at it as an easy way out, it's a tool to help me succeed. I always quit diets before because I didn't see results fast enough. With this, I'll see steady results and it will help me with my continued success.

I don't want to be a size 2. I don't want to be 130 pounds. I don't want to wear a bikini. I want to be and feel healthy. I want to be able to shop at regular stores again. I want to be skinnier and change my eating habits before my son knows the difference. I want to feel as sexy and beautiful on the outside the way my husband makes me feel on the inside. I want to have confidence in the way I look, and not have to worry about how my fat rolls look in what I'm wearing. I just want to be healthy for my husband and son. I don't want my son to grow up with the same weight issues I had. I know he might because it's just in his genes, but I don't want to contribute to it.

We Went to Central Market!!

2008-04-13T17:05:00.005-05:00

About 2 weeks ago we went downtown to Whole Foods Market. That was really neat, and I want to go back and get a few things. But today we went to Central Market. I thought that they were basically the same thing, but still wanted to check it out.. It was WAY BETTER!! Talk about fresh fruits and veggies! We walked in and they had everything fresh! You know when you go to Walmart or Kroger, they have pre-packaged stuff like carrots and potatoes. This place, nothing was pre-packaged. And everything looked yummy. They had cute mini pineapples and cucumbers...I've never seen those! The fruit was the best I've seen. They had the biggest grapes and strawberries I think I've ever seen. And these weren't the pre-packaged kind, you got to pick what strawberries and bunch of grapes you wanted. And they had a bigger selection of meats and seafood. They had some good-looking filet mignon and chuck roast. If it wasn't so expensive, we would have gotten some. They even had ready to cook beef and chicken kabobs. I know, I'm getting really excited over fruits and kabobs..but it was such a neat place and I can't wait to go back when can actually get some stuff!

My First Day Back

2008-04-10T18:41:00.003-05:00

Well, my first day back went pretty well....short! I was anxious to get in there and do some patients. It's weird when you haven't worked in 3 months, you almost forget what to do. But as soon as I got there, it all came back to me. Mostly everyone that saw me said welcome back and asked how Noah was. But I miss my friend. My best work friend quit because they were doing some layoffs at work and she thought she was going to one that they layed off. But she also wasn't happy. So she quit while I was on maternity leave....I don't blame her though. I try to get along with everyone, but there is this one person that I really can't stand. She only has a couple people she talks to...and I'm not one of them. So she basically gave me the silent treatment today. It bothers me in a way because I've always been the type that I don't like when people are mad at me, or don't talk to me. I want to resolve it. However, if I try to talk to this girl and work it out...she'll probably talk behind my back...and I don't like that either. So, I'm just going to try and be the better person and kill her with kindness. I'll try to help her out if I'm not doing anything, and try to hold some kind of conversation. I just keep telling myself.."it's only 4 hours; go in, do my job, and go home to my son". He keeps me going anyway. Working 4 hours is so nice! I get there, do a couple of patients and before I know it, it's time to go. I really hope and pray that I will be able to stay part time for a long time.

Going Back to Work....

2008-04-08T21:23:00.004-05:00

Well, after being off for 3 months I'm going back to this thursday. I feel like I'm going to be lost going back! I was put on bedrest 3 weeks before Noah was born, which was a shock to begin with. Although thankful now, I was worried when I went to my DR for a routine check-up, and he told me I wasn't going back to work. I was scared and nervous that I wasn't going to get paid while being off. But I have been blessed to be off for 3 weeks before he was born, and to be just now going back. I've been getting paid and I haven't even had to use alot of vacation time. And even now I'm only going back part time! I am super excited about that. I am actually looking forward to back to get out of the house everyday, and it will be just long enough for me to miss him. I am also thankful that I am not having to put him in daycare...at least not yet. I just pray that this part time position is going to work out and we won't be strapped for money. I just felt like God was telling me this is what I was supposed to do, it was just too right. So we shall see. I have truly been blessed!

I am so not computer savvy!!!

2008-04-02T22:00:00.002-05:00

So I started this blog and I want to share it. I try to link it from my myspace page and I cannot figure it out! I have a friend that has been helping me... and probably getting frustrated! I get the picture up that says...click here....but when I click on it, it tells me that the page can't be found. And I don't understand! I did everything I thought was right. I've had to ask Crystal lots of things over the last couple of weeks...she's so smart! So I'm going to keep trying until I get it!

My First trip to The Whole Foods Market

2008-03-29T17:11:00.002-05:00

Stephen and I decided to go to Whole Foods today because I have been looking for Vitamuffins and Vitabrownies. I heard about them online I think from Weight Watchers and other people raved about them on The Nest, so I wanted to try them. They didn't have them there, but they had a ton of other stuff. Sounds funny but I felt healthier just walking in there. Stephen and I have been trying to buy organic veggies for a while now. They just look better than the other fresh veggies. This place everything looked so good! All the fruits and veggies, and the fresh fish and meat. They even had flowers right when you walk in the door that smelled good and looked better than at a regular grocery store. I told Stephen that I wanted to shop there maybe once a month. I actually wish we had one closer to us, because they had a salad bar and even fresh pizza...and it had to be good for you! They had samples of food because it was 'local' day, so everything they were serving was made locally.....and it was good stuff! They had Tequila Lime seasoned Tilapia, and we bought the seasoning. They had a yummy Spinach and cheese queso, and jalepeno sausage...YUM! I know that Organic doesn't mean low fat, but it has to be better for you, and I can't wait to go back!

My Poor Baby Boy!

2008-03-28T08:28:00.003-05:00

Noah went to the Dr yesterday for his 2 months check up and shots. He weighed in at 12 lbs, 4 oz and was 23 3/4 inches long. The pedi said he looked healthy and happy. He's been alot happier baby, which I am thrilled about. I was worried in the beginning because he was so fussy. But we changed some things and increased his feeding and he seems to be happy. He's starting to smile and coo all the time which just makes my heart melt! He had to get 3 shots, and he did okay. He cried which was normal and I gave him tylenol before we even got to the dr so that seemed to help a little. He slept all the way home and even once we got home I didn't take him out of his carseat until he woke up on his own. Even once he did, he seemed okay. He ate, and I gave him more tylenol hoping he wouldn't get cranky. He was fine until my brother and sister-in-law came through the door. They haven't been down since late september, so this was the first time they met him. They had seen pictures, but the minute Nicole help him he cried...and he didn't stop! I had warned Shaun that he was probably going to be cranky! And boy was he! I felt so bad for him because there was nothing I could do for him but hold him and love on him. He cried for several hours. It bothered me because he was in pain, but his crying didn't. Usually when he has cried non stop and I couldn't get him calm, I would get frustrated because I didn't know what was wrong. But since I knew he didn't feel good, I didn't get frustrated. We didn't bother with a bath last night and he only ate about 2 ozs before going to bed, so I thought for sure I'd be getting up a couple of times. Nope! Poor thing was so tired he slept from about 11:30 last night until about 6:45 this morning. And so far he seems like he's feeling alot better. I hope so, I don't want Shaun and Nicole to think he's like that all the time! I want him to leave a good impression on them, but at the same time, it let's them know what they're in for!

I'm going to be an Aunt!

2008-03-28T08:10:00.004-05:00

My brother and sister-in-law are expecting a baby on October 18, 2008! I am so excited for them! They have been married about 4 1/2 years. They aren't going to find out what they are having either...I would die! I commend people that can wait to find out. That's got to be the best suprise ever, but I couldn't do it. I had to plan for either a boy or girl. She said it doesn't seem real yet, and that got me thinking about my own pregnancy not too long ago.

Stephen and I had struggled to get pregnant, as I mentioned before. And after 2 heartbreaking miscarriages, 2 surgeries, and several months on fertility medicine we decided to put it off to get healthy. And that's when I got pregnant. People always tell you when your trying to have a baby to stop trying and it will happen. And that's so hard to hear when you want a baby so bad. I didn't just have baby fever, it actually hurt that people around me were getting pregnant. I cried all the time wondering why God hasn't blessed me with one yet. Then when I finally got pregnant I was so excited, but more scared. Would I end up losing it? I didn't and I had my sweet baby boy. But even with every trip to the dr, every ultrasound and everytime I heard his heartbeat it never seemed real. It all just seemed like a dream, and I was hoping I'd never wake up. Even when my belly starting getting bigger and I felt him move, I still couldn't believe I was going to have a baby. The day I had him, when they pulled him out and he cried, and when I finally got to hold him...that's when it became real. I knew I would love him, but I love him more than I ever thought I would.

I am so happy for Shaun and Nicole, now we've got to save our money so we can take a trip to see them after the baby's born!!

Slideshow of Stephen and I

2008-03-26T18:04:00.004-05:00

I made this about a year ago. The last time we had pictures taken, I was 8 months pregnant and those will be in another slideshow of Noah. Stephen has since last 65 pounds...and I'm on my way to losing weight too!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Easter 2008

2008-03-26T17:19:00.005-05:00

Easter wasn't too eventful this year, being that Noah was only 2 months old. I still took some pictures though!

My Life is Complete....For Now

2008-03-25T22:12:00.002-05:00

Stephen and I met at work in 2002. I knew of him before that, but I was in a relationship and he was married. When we both got out of our relationships, I chased him down....he was the shy type. I fell for him fast! We got engaged in 2003 and were married in February 2004. Right after we got married I went off the pill. We built a beautiful house and were enjoying each other. I got pregnant 2 different times, both ended in miscarriage. I just thought it wasn't our time yet, but that didn't make it hurt any less. We tried for 2 1/2 years, going to multiple drs appointments. We tried Clomid, and after several months off and on it we decided to stop trying and to get healthy. We both decided to have lap band and in the process got pregnant again. I was excited but scared of having another miscarriage. God decided that it was finally our time! We were blessed with a beautiful baby boy on January 24, 2008. He weighed in at 9 lbs, 13 oz, and was 20 1/2 inches long. He is my miracle.