A New Revelation

About a week ago I started getting convinced that I was having another boy. And I will admit, I was getting a little upset and depressed. I started thinking about all the prayers I have prayed about having a baby sister for Noah. Everyone around me is convinced it's a girl, except me. Maybe I'm reading too much into all the gender charts and stuff online. Noah has even been saying 'baby sister' and we haven't corrected him. I just have been trying not to get my hopes up. But it got to a point, where they were alreay up there. Then I had 2 disturbing dreams...I had told my mom at one point that 'I didn't want 2 boys', not the best choice of words and I understand that because what she said stuck with me. She said 'don't say you don't want 2 boys because it this one is a boy, God could very well take it away'. And thats what happened in my dream. I had a dream that I found out I was having a boy, and he was born too soon and died. And I of course felt responsible....I woke up crying.

Then I posted on my mom's facebook page that I was convinced that it was another boy...and had several people post comments. But again, 1 inparticular stuck out. A friend said that she had a bad day with her daughter and was asking God why he gave her such a difficult child...the daughter that she prayed for. That she was not the daughter she expected to have. And that just because I may pray for a daughter that is rainbows and sunshine, she may not be packaged that way. That comment did it...put it on perspective.

I want a daughter for several reasons. I want to be able to buy the cute clothes and bows. And I want to have the relationship with her that I have with my mom. But am I setting myself up for failure? Will I be the one in a couple of years asking God 'Why did you give me a child like this?' I may never know. This could still be a girl, but it may be a boy. Either way...I feel blessed. Yes, it's easier to shop for girls...but I know that my baby boy loves me. And either way, Noah will be a great big brother. And I love this baby so much already....and I feel blessed that I am going to have another child. God has blessed me, and my family.